I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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