I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
