I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
birth control should be required to get into college
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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