I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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