we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
