I puked a lego.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
