No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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