I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
