you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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