So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
