I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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