so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This toilet bowl is my home.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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