took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
