So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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