$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
