It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
