right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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