barbara walters just said penis...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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