Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
