when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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