Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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