We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
