Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
