i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you never un-have a 4some
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
