I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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