I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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