i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
