I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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