i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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