If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
