we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
