i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
