Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
