Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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