Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
