If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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