I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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