I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
