Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
