Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
