Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
