I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
