I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
