We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
