you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
