eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
