I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
