weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I deserve this hangover.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
