BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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