Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
