dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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